Last night we all went to dinner at Benihana for Courtney's 19th birthday. It was Rene, Courtney and her friend nick Russo, Marshall, faith and I.  We had a great time. The dinner was fabulous but most of all having them prepare the food in front of you is so fun. It was hot in there though because of all the hot grills but it was a very hot night outside also. I ordered a piña colada so I could get the geisha girl mug to bring home. I love it!

Today reached 106 degrees. It was Saturday so I didn't have to work  thank goodness. It's so hard to work as a mail lady when it gets that hot. Tomorrow is going to be in the 80's, so much better.

Marshall had a screaming meltdown today at us 3girls. Rene was gone and Marshall announced he was going to raeannes graduation party. Well Courtney called him on it because he was trying to make me feel bad. He was so mad because I don't go to Jennifer's house and take the family anymore like I used to all the time. I wish he would just understand that I can't. I wasn't invited.  Nor was faith or Rene. Courtney only was invited by raeanne. He can't see that I'm not welcome there. That the damage has been done to our relationship and its irreparable. He says its all my fault and that I have made it up that the entire Visser family doesn't like me and even threw in my face that I made it up that Steve and Kim used to hate me too. Why would I lie about this. Steve had never even spoken to my daughter his niece until she was 30 years old. Not one word that is how much he hated me. He did say "hi Danielle"to her once a little over a year ago and that is all. Not Steve's fault though that he hated my sister and I. My father taught him to hate us when he was a young boy. Very sad for all if us really.
Anyway, Courtney is so grown up about the whole affair. She understands I'm doing my best to be a good parent even though I've made a lot if huge mistakes.  She encourages me and helps me to feel better about myself.
I know Im not perfect so Marshall doesn't need to contradict everything I say like he does. I already have a low enough self esteem and just wish he didn't dislike me so much. I realize though that children grow up and blame their parents for their "bad childhood". He can't know because he has never tried parenting that it is such a thankless job. Maybe one day he will have children of his own and see how hard it really is.
I know I'm complaining a lot here but I really have nobody to unload all this onto so I find writing it helps to heal the hurt.