Courtney had her first real date the night before last. She says she likes him. His name is Jackson and he took her to see Gravity at the movies. She loved the movie. I'm glad she had a date. I want her to enjoy her youthful years. She's a good girl and deserves it.
All of us are planning on going to see Danielle and her family up on Washington for Christmas. I'm really looking forward to it. I miss them. I am missing my grandchildren growing up. Ryder went to the dr yesterday and he's allergic to peanuts and tree nuts too. I hope his eczema will go away now that they know his allergies.
Marshall got his 2nd DUI. I'm afraid he is going to create a hard life for himself. It's hard to watch your children make these kind of mistakes. I sold the mustang to my brother in hopes that it won't happen again but this has made me do sad. I hated to have to do it but I don't know what else to do. Marshall us doing well in school though and I proud if his efforts there.
Faith is such a hard worker. Now she is working on her 5th grade science project. It involves dish soaps and which one is the best grease fighter. Courtney is helping her with that. It's great that they are so close. Faith intends to play soccer this spring so we are planning to get her into shape and practice her soccer skills. We bought a soccer ball at wal mart today.
Tonight is Rene's carpenter dinner in San Ramon. He doesn't really want to go but we are. He's starting to work a lot of hours for a shutdown. We can always use the money. We are thinking about getting Courtney a car.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
June 12, 2013
Tonight I'm feeling good but It's not as easy to fall asleep when you are menopausal. I haven't had a period in maybe 3 months. I'm almost 53 so that's pretty old really to still have had a period. These symptoms of hot flashes and poor sleep make me wonder if it was better to have periods. Hmmm. Nah.
I'm excited to go camping at the end of the month at pine crest lake. In July we go to Disneyland when the Vlahas family gets here. I can't wait.
Poppa has the worst black eye it's swollen shut and he has a cut in his eyebrow. He fell and hit the ladder at the playground when slipped of the monkey bars. Playgrounds are dangerous.
I'm excited to go camping at the end of the month at pine crest lake. In July we go to Disneyland when the Vlahas family gets here. I can't wait.
Poppa has the worst black eye it's swollen shut and he has a cut in his eyebrow. He fell and hit the ladder at the playground when slipped of the monkey bars. Playgrounds are dangerous.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Nice surprise
This evening my sister called and her and mom came over to drop off Courtney's birthday gifts. We all went to Panera for dinner. We brought Faith. After our meal we went to home goods. We shopped. Had fun. Chatted. Family members who really love you can make your world a better place to be.
Still hurting after all this time
It has been over two years since I have found out how Jennifer had been so deceiving to me. I realized then that she never really liked me when I think back on the past. That still hurts but what hurts more is the deceit. I would have preferred the truth about how she didn't like me and about what she was encouraging her son to do to my daughter every day in my own home.
She has done the same thing to Linda where we both work. Jenn used to say how she hated Linda's guts and that she hated coming to work because she had to work next to her. She said she couldn't stand it when Linda talked to her and that she would just respond to Linda but couldn't wait to get out of there because she hated her so much. But now, look who she seems to be best friends with. Yes. Linda. Like with me I doubt it's a sincere relationship. Linda hates me and says "poor Jenn" because she doesn't have the full story. I can't tell Linda that Jenn doesn't really like her because she won't believe me. Everyone I work with thinks Jennifer is perfect. They say oh she's so nice. Wow. How wrong they all are. She does seem nice but if she doesn't like you watch out. That passive aggressiveness can stab you in the back but good.
I'm still trying to recover from it every day. I can't seem to control my anger over it because I was so hurt by her. I wish I didn't have to see her all the time at work. Seeing her opens the wound every day. I pray daily that I get over this
She has done the same thing to Linda where we both work. Jenn used to say how she hated Linda's guts and that she hated coming to work because she had to work next to her. She said she couldn't stand it when Linda talked to her and that she would just respond to Linda but couldn't wait to get out of there because she hated her so much. But now, look who she seems to be best friends with. Yes. Linda. Like with me I doubt it's a sincere relationship. Linda hates me and says "poor Jenn" because she doesn't have the full story. I can't tell Linda that Jenn doesn't really like her because she won't believe me. Everyone I work with thinks Jennifer is perfect. They say oh she's so nice. Wow. How wrong they all are. She does seem nice but if she doesn't like you watch out. That passive aggressiveness can stab you in the back but good.
I'm still trying to recover from it every day. I can't seem to control my anger over it because I was so hurt by her. I wish I didn't have to see her all the time at work. Seeing her opens the wound every day. I pray daily that I get over this
Last night
Marshall came home last night so drunk. Faith was so worried because he could barely walk. He borrowed her phone and then went into the back yard and laid on the ground barfing. He called Trista and wouldn't give faith her phone back.
Michelle (Jason's mom) posted on Facebook how Marshall was popping off his mouth and that six guys were going to jump him. She intervened and he ended up riding his bike home. He was so drunk he crashed, broke his phone, got a black eye and several bruises.
He could have gotten another DUI. I am also afraid that he is going to smart off to the wrong person one day and get shot or really beat up.
Rene wants to get his car insurance reinstated, help him get his license and give him back the mustang to drive. If he were responsible or grown up that would be great. I'm so afraid he will really screw his life up when he can drink and drive again. I believe we do way too much for him already. He does not appreciate at all what we have given him. He constantly says how we don't do enough for him actually. It's sad.
I pray for him and his salvation. He isn't a believer of Jesus anymore. He is a new Ager. He says he believes in doing good.
Michelle (Jason's mom) posted on Facebook how Marshall was popping off his mouth and that six guys were going to jump him. She intervened and he ended up riding his bike home. He was so drunk he crashed, broke his phone, got a black eye and several bruises.
He could have gotten another DUI. I am also afraid that he is going to smart off to the wrong person one day and get shot or really beat up.
Rene wants to get his car insurance reinstated, help him get his license and give him back the mustang to drive. If he were responsible or grown up that would be great. I'm so afraid he will really screw his life up when he can drink and drive again. I believe we do way too much for him already. He does not appreciate at all what we have given him. He constantly says how we don't do enough for him actually. It's sad.
I pray for him and his salvation. He isn't a believer of Jesus anymore. He is a new Ager. He says he believes in doing good.
Last night we all went to dinner at Benihana for Courtney's 19th birthday. It was Rene, Courtney and her friend nick Russo, Marshall, faith and I. We had a great time. The dinner was fabulous but most of all having them prepare the food in front of you is so fun. It was hot in there though because of all the hot grills but it was a very hot night outside also. I ordered a piña colada so I could get the geisha girl mug to bring home. I love it!
Today reached 106 degrees. It was Saturday so I didn't have to work thank goodness. It's so hard to work as a mail lady when it gets that hot. Tomorrow is going to be in the 80's, so much better.
Marshall had a screaming meltdown today at us 3girls. Rene was gone and Marshall announced he was going to raeannes graduation party. Well Courtney called him on it because he was trying to make me feel bad. He was so mad because I don't go to Jennifer's house and take the family anymore like I used to all the time. I wish he would just understand that I can't. I wasn't invited. Nor was faith or Rene. Courtney only was invited by raeanne. He can't see that I'm not welcome there. That the damage has been done to our relationship and its irreparable. He says its all my fault and that I have made it up that the entire Visser family doesn't like me and even threw in my face that I made it up that Steve and Kim used to hate me too. Why would I lie about this. Steve had never even spoken to my daughter his niece until she was 30 years old. Not one word that is how much he hated me. He did say "hi Danielle"to her once a little over a year ago and that is all. Not Steve's fault though that he hated my sister and I. My father taught him to hate us when he was a young boy. Very sad for all if us really.
Anyway, Courtney is so grown up about the whole affair. She understands I'm doing my best to be a good parent even though I've made a lot if huge mistakes. She encourages me and helps me to feel better about myself.
I know Im not perfect so Marshall doesn't need to contradict everything I say like he does. I already have a low enough self esteem and just wish he didn't dislike me so much. I realize though that children grow up and blame their parents for their "bad childhood". He can't know because he has never tried parenting that it is such a thankless job. Maybe one day he will have children of his own and see how hard it really is.
I know I'm complaining a lot here but I really have nobody to unload all this onto so I find writing it helps to heal the hurt.
Today reached 106 degrees. It was Saturday so I didn't have to work thank goodness. It's so hard to work as a mail lady when it gets that hot. Tomorrow is going to be in the 80's, so much better.
Marshall had a screaming meltdown today at us 3girls. Rene was gone and Marshall announced he was going to raeannes graduation party. Well Courtney called him on it because he was trying to make me feel bad. He was so mad because I don't go to Jennifer's house and take the family anymore like I used to all the time. I wish he would just understand that I can't. I wasn't invited. Nor was faith or Rene. Courtney only was invited by raeanne. He can't see that I'm not welcome there. That the damage has been done to our relationship and its irreparable. He says its all my fault and that I have made it up that the entire Visser family doesn't like me and even threw in my face that I made it up that Steve and Kim used to hate me too. Why would I lie about this. Steve had never even spoken to my daughter his niece until she was 30 years old. Not one word that is how much he hated me. He did say "hi Danielle"to her once a little over a year ago and that is all. Not Steve's fault though that he hated my sister and I. My father taught him to hate us when he was a young boy. Very sad for all if us really.
Anyway, Courtney is so grown up about the whole affair. She understands I'm doing my best to be a good parent even though I've made a lot if huge mistakes. She encourages me and helps me to feel better about myself.
I know Im not perfect so Marshall doesn't need to contradict everything I say like he does. I already have a low enough self esteem and just wish he didn't dislike me so much. I realize though that children grow up and blame their parents for their "bad childhood". He can't know because he has never tried parenting that it is such a thankless job. Maybe one day he will have children of his own and see how hard it really is.
I know I'm complaining a lot here but I really have nobody to unload all this onto so I find writing it helps to heal the hurt.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Additional June 5 2013
I just need to say I love all my kids very much. I know that Marshall doesn't think I love him. They should know that I really do love them all the same and that absolutely nothing could ever change that.
I also love watching duck dynasty. Hilarious. I just discovered it a few weeks ago a must watch show. Good night.
I also love watching duck dynasty. Hilarious. I just discovered it a few weeks ago a must watch show. Good night.
June 5th 2013
Today was a great day at work. She wasn't there. Usually I am depressed at work because if she is there it just reminds me of how horrible she had treated me. Today I was happy at work for a change. Yeah!
After work I picked up faith from school. Came home got Courtney and we went to the streets of brentwood to shop for Courtney's birthday gifts. Her birthday is on Friday. While in the bathroom she got a call from the knife company and they need a receptionist right away. She went to a last minute interview this afternoon and has a working interview tomorrow. Also st 1:30 she has an interview at cornerstone. We will see what happens. I'm proud of her.
Just before bed Marshall asks me where Courtney got all the money for the stuff she got in the bags today from shopping. I told him that t hey are her birthday gifts. He also wants a new couch in his room. Wants more money for himself. I wish he would at least TRY to work. 20 years old and had only worked a few days at a bike shop. Got fired because he didn't show up.
Marshall has me very upset and scared. He refuses to get a job now his excuse is that he is taking summer school. I have taken the biology class he is going to take and he could work full time no problem and still handle the biology class. He is so jealous of Courtney. It's very sad. He can't be happy for her in any way. I plan on taking her to Benihana for her birthday dinner. He's pissed and wants to know where his birthday dinner is. Why can't he just be happy for her/us.
I'm worried about Danielle. She has lupus sites on her legs again. It's pretty bad. I want to see my grandsons.
I still think a lot about how Rene who stayed home sick had to watch Danielle take a shower while I was at work that day when she was only 19. I wonder why he had such little respect for her and for me. It still makes me sad.
I think I am always pretty depressed. I wish I could be happier. I really do try. I seem to always think of things that upset me.
After work I picked up faith from school. Came home got Courtney and we went to the streets of brentwood to shop for Courtney's birthday gifts. Her birthday is on Friday. While in the bathroom she got a call from the knife company and they need a receptionist right away. She went to a last minute interview this afternoon and has a working interview tomorrow. Also st 1:30 she has an interview at cornerstone. We will see what happens. I'm proud of her.
Just before bed Marshall asks me where Courtney got all the money for the stuff she got in the bags today from shopping. I told him that t hey are her birthday gifts. He also wants a new couch in his room. Wants more money for himself. I wish he would at least TRY to work. 20 years old and had only worked a few days at a bike shop. Got fired because he didn't show up.
Marshall has me very upset and scared. He refuses to get a job now his excuse is that he is taking summer school. I have taken the biology class he is going to take and he could work full time no problem and still handle the biology class. He is so jealous of Courtney. It's very sad. He can't be happy for her in any way. I plan on taking her to Benihana for her birthday dinner. He's pissed and wants to know where his birthday dinner is. Why can't he just be happy for her/us.
I'm worried about Danielle. She has lupus sites on her legs again. It's pretty bad. I want to see my grandsons.
I still think a lot about how Rene who stayed home sick had to watch Danielle take a shower while I was at work that day when she was only 19. I wonder why he had such little respect for her and for me. It still makes me sad.
I think I am always pretty depressed. I wish I could be happier. I really do try. I seem to always think of things that upset me.
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