I'm having a terrible time trying to sleep tonight.  It's just past midnight and I want to sleep.  Faith, Courtney and I are going the Disney on Ice tomorrow and I would love to be rested so I can enjoy my girls. But Danielle has me very depressed and sad.  I'm worried for her and her marriage.  She seems to be angry at everyone.  Poor Angelo.  She treating him like crap.  I am getting angry now at the treatment she is giving me.  Yes, I was wrong to not leave Rene after he watched her in the shower.  Poor thing.  That truly is awful.  Its been over fourteen years now since it happened and I wish she could just forgive me.  She can't and this past few days of raging against me has been devastating.  I thought we were good.  She seemed to have forgiven me, as we had a wonderful Christmas up in Washington with her, Angelo and the boys.  She says she hasn't been drinking but she is so violent in her rantings that I hope she is drinking otherwise her mental state is in question,  I would love for her to go to church and get closer to God and she had said last week she was going to do.  I think the devil jumped on that and now she is under attack.  I pray for her always.  I asked her to go to a counselor.  I hope she does.  I just ordered a book on Amazon for her which I hope ships soon.  It's a christian book on Forgiveness.  I pray she reads it.  I could go on and on about all the things she said about me  but why?  I already know I wasn't that great of a parent.  I feel guilty enough about my poor parenting already.  I wish she could just focus for a little bit about some of the things I did that were good and maybe even right.  I loved her to death.  I would always try to take her somewhere fun even though we were poor as ever when she was small we did lots of fun things that were inexpensive.  I tried to provid  for her the best I could.  Before she was born I read as many baby books as I could get a hold of because I just was so excited to have her and I wanted to be the best Mom I could be.  In her rantings she did mention the only thing she could think about me that was good and that was that I am a hard worker.  Ouch, that hurts.  Yes I am a hard worker but what about all the million other qualities a Mom would want their child to say about them.